Attack on the Wedding D-Bag

Weddings are super-fun, especially when they are full of friends, food, a kickass cover band, and lots of cocktails. Sometimes a single man in his 20s will show up with a wingman, under all intention of bagging him a cute little lady to take home for the night. Sometimes when sorority girls get together, they recognize this guy, and turn the tables on him.
Let’s change the name of this guy to ‘Chad’, for privacy’s sake, and begin the tale of how we all crashed the wedding d-bag Saturday night.

Our tale begins at the end of the reception with a walk out to the lobby, where everyone is gathering their rose petals to shower the happy couple with as they escape the reception and jump in their limo.
Chad, to me: “Hey beautiful, what about that dance you promised me tonight?”
Me: “What dance?” (Followed by a prompt exit as I begin to observe his amusingly drunken behavior towards the rest of my sorority sisters)
So we get back to the empty reception and start forming a Chad-watching group, thinking of things we can get girls to say to him to enhance his d-bag behavior.
(Mind you earlier he spent the entire night on the rim of the dance floor, smiling skeezily at every girl, chatting a bit, clinging tightly to
what I’m sure was a sugary drink poured into a beer bottle.)
We convince Jacque to approach him and introduce herself.
Jackie: “Hi Chad, I’m Jacque!”
Chad: (seductively) ‘I’d recognize those eyes anywhere.”
Needless to say, Jackie joins us quickly and we launch more attacks.
After the reception we go to the hotel bar and begin to spread the d-bag’s legend. Luckily enough, he approaches me again:
Chad: (bends over in front of me and picks up a flattened, stepped-on flower) “I was waiting here to give this to you.”
And I proceed to give the flower to the rest of my girlfriends, giving them the same line.
I’m not going to lie, I ended up talking to way more girls than he did.


Elicia said...

Lol! This also reminds me of the crazy guy that latched onto you at Target the day I saw you there. I was like "I'm Elicia, how do you know Cortney" weird guy "Oh, I just met her here today" And he just stood there and listened to our 10 minute conversation. There are lots of troubled guys out there. ;)

Anonymous said...

What if chad was a blind man, could you teach him to dance??

Ask me any question, I can tell you who the real "Chad" is.