I think I confuse myself sometimes. I tell myself what I want, I tell myself what I don't want. I tell myself to not look back and not to settle...
I tell myself that I am different now and that I want different things out of life.
But I am also human. I want love, laughter, affection, friendship, and fulfillment, among other things.
In the end, don't we all want that goodnight phone call? That person to go out and party so hard you don't even remember, or that person who is just fine with pizza, ice cream, and a good movie at the same time? Don't we all want someone to care about us as much as we care about them, and be able to seem themselves without anyone else but us? Don't we all want that one person that we know we can count on when the world goes awry? Don't we want that person who can endlessely laugh over memories with us, and always be a part of making new ones?
Or am I just really tired...
Or maybe what I am saying is that it is really hard not to attach emotion to certain people, places, and situations.
And when I say that I have no emotion towards a particular subject, I am probably lying to protect my feelings.
'Cause I know the answer on the other end will NOT be what I want to hear.
Is it possible that we buy time on things we know we will not ultimately want, because we are waiting for something that's already there, and has been there for a long time, to finally come around?
So many things left unsaid....who knows? Maybe me having no guts to say how I really feel will pay off in the long run.
My soapbox is now available for someone else...Goodnight!